Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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