The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
