so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
