I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
