I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Is it because I queefed?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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