he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
ttyl tear gas
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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