you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
