Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
