took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
