did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
