It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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