I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
