I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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