we're blogging at a bar
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
