I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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