Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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