When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You need Xanax blowdarts
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
