Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
