I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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