That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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