...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
