I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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