Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
