I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
