I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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