hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
