Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
