Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
