Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Oh god it's open bar.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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