i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm getting married
To pizza
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
