Swine flu. Run for my life!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Please don't give away my fajitas
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