accomplished twins. life is a go
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
