the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
