I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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