i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
This house was built for laser tag.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
