I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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