so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
