To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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