WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
