I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
