i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
