You work out of a Hotel?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
