you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
