worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
