Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
