Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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