my shit smells like andre
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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