Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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