I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
