After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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