My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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